Heart break and moving on...

As many of you know, this past weekend was life changing for what I thought I was supposed to be doing in the near future. This is honestly one of the hardest things I think I have had to go through to date. This past Sunday, Ben and I talked for about an hour and he decided to end our relationship.

This is where I wish I could say that I hate/resent/dislike him for wasting two and a half years of my life, however, I can't do that because it's just not true. Not a single day was wasted while we were together. He taught me so much about myself, taught me to be a little more adventurous (even though I typically put up a fight about doing anything new or crazy), taught me to love and to cherish every moment you have with someone. Before I started dating him, I never thought I was a strong enough individual for a military relationship, but he taught me that if you really love something, it doesn't matter how many miles there are between you because when you're together you're on top of the world. While I would have given anything to have a normal relationship where we could have seen each other every weekend, neither of us were at the point in our lives where this was possible.

I would love to be able to say that this came completely out of the blue and I was surprised by this event; however, I have felt it coming for about a month. The lack of communication between us (mainly on his part) has been killing me and I finally said something about it. He then reminded me that we both knew TBS was going to be hard and that he was going to be busy. Now, I'm not a super needy person and I have my own life, however, I only asked for one phone call a week updating me on his week and letting me know what was going on in his life, and I didn't get these. I had no idea what was going on in Quantico except for the occasional post from my Marine wife friends that are there now, so when people asked what he was up to, I honestly had to tell them I didn't know.

He decided that he wanted to drop his flight contract to try to go infantry, so I knew he was busy and I knew he had to bust his butt to do the absolute best he could, but he told me that he felt it was unfair to me to have to put up with this. This is where my rant comes in...I don't understand why it is his decision to decide if I was going to wait for him or if I was going to move on with my life. I was willing to wait until he found out his MOS and got stationed somewhere after training to get a "big girl job" and I was willing to compromise some of my life goals, however, that's what you do when you love someone...you are willing to compromise things. He told me thought this wasn't fair to me and I deserve someone who can be here for me whenever I need them and I deserve someone who will be able to support what I truly want to do with my life, and I can't say he's wrong, but I thought he would be that person for me. I was saving up to buy a professional camera because, lets admit it, everyone wants homecoming pictures or pre-deployment pictures or pictures of their children. I had also been looking into working with USMC families and children; I had my goals thought up, and he sort of just threw those ideas out the window for me. GRRRR it's so frustrating.

The greatest friends ever

However, since last Sunday, I have applied for many AWESOME positions! I talked to a friend who is currently working on a cruise ship doing videography and she suggested that I look into photography positions because "working on a cruise ship will change your life" so I looked into it and ended up applying for five different positions with a few different companies. I've also been looking into different volunteer positions for nonprofit organizations in the area just to get some "real world" experience if I were to not get one of the cruise positions. I have decided that I'm not going to linger on this break up because as everyone says "if it's meant to be, it'll happen," so for the time being, I'm going to do as Ben recommended I do and do something I want to do.

Just because pictures make things more interesting

I also wanted to say thank you to my friends. Honestly, I had so many people come from nowhere to support me and keep me busy this past week to help keep my mind off things. I honestly have the greatest support system a girl could ask for, all across the globe (from Japan to Florida to California and the Pacific Ocean). You're all amazing! Thank you so much.

Sorry if there are any errors, I wrote this raw and tired and didn't really feel like editing it...

Until next time,

MD