Wow! It's been a VERY long time since I've written a blog....well a LOT has changed in my life since the last time I wrote. After thinking everything was going to change in my life, it changed a lot more than I thought it would.
I ended a four year relationship, moved out of my mother's house, started renting a house, got a new roommate and her dog, continued my job at NLM, but was recognized as a photographer and was offered many new opportunities with that, started shooting weddings by myself (through Nick, just as a head photographer), and found myself an amazing man (featured on the right ;))!
Cassidy turned two and has started talking a lot. She will call me on the phone and have (very short) conversations with me. They usually consist of "come see me. I miss you. Bring Kugel" and then she hangs up, but she's getting so big! It's crazy!
When I moved out, I moved in with a girl from work, Liz, who is one of our graphic designers and her 10 month old "horse," Charlie. Since moving in, Kugel and Charlie have become best friends.
So far in 2014, we've seen an arctic cold front come through with negative temperatures and even more negative wind chills. I brought in the New Year with some of the best friends a girl could ask for and I've traveled to Detroit for the 2014 North American International Auto Show (see pictures here). Next month starts wedding season and I'm SOOO excited to be shooting one of my best friend's sister's weddings! And the week after that, I'm headed to Chicago for the Chicago Auto Show with PRESS CREDS so we'll get into all of the press conferences!
I'm going to start trying to update my blog a lot more often. I have started hating writing recently so I'm going to start trying to enjoy writing again, by writing about things I care about. So cheers to 2014 and here's to more blogging!
So here we are a year after graduation and I’m finding
myself wondering where the last year has gone?! I feel like it was last week
that I was walking up to receive my diploma or we were saying our “goodbyes” in
Daytona. It’s already been a year since my aunt and uncle got married and it’s
been a year to this weekend since Ben graduated.
But I’m finding myself wondering, “What exactly has happened
in the last year??” Well…I can answer this question in two words…”a lot.”
Over the last year, I have witnessed many marriages and
friends moving away; I have witnessed my niece grow up and have her first
birthday; Ben and I broke up for a short amount of time but ended up back
together and I accepted a great job with a well-known company doing something
that I can honestly say I highly enjoy. Over the past year, I have become
better friends with some people who I have to admit I had put on a back burner
during college and I have made great friends with new people as well.
However, not everything has been that great. Recently we
found out Ben’s dad has cancer, which is spreading very quickly. I hate cancer.
It’s the worst thing in the world and with no cure, I have decided with work to help raise as much money as
possible to help find one. This fall we are participating in a “Light the
Night” walk where we are raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
While Paul isn’t affected by either of these diseases, my uncle is battling leukemia
and cancer in general unfortunately is no stranger to my family.
Ben is currently in Lawton, OK completing Artillery School
where he is learning to work with all artillery weapons, but will specifically
work with HIMARS. At the end of July, he is headed to San Diego, CA and Camp
Pendleton where he will be a part of 5/11. So what does this mean for us?
WELLLL I’m trying not to get too excited yet because I’m not heading out there
until I find a job, but I am feeling hopeful. I believe I have enough connections
that I can get my foot in someone’s door and find something I love doing. I’m
even considering volunteering to take the company I’m currently working for out
there with me. I really do like my job and would hate to leave it, but
eventually I am going to have to make a sacrifice if I want to be with Ben and
I’m ready. I told Nick I was going to have to stop shooting weddings with him,
and while he was disappointed, he was very supportive in hoping I can continue
with my photography career out there!
I am very excited to see what the next year brings me and
where I end up and I hope you all will continue on this journey with me!
As some of you may have seen recently on Facebook, B and I decided we were going to try things again. And while I am happier than ever <insert goofy, childish grin>, I can't seem to shake the dark cloud seeming to linger over my head. Every time we (more specifically I) tell somebody this news, I get one of two emotions: the person is either very excited that we're together again with a typical, "Oh my gosh! I knew you two would get back together, you're perfect!" or I get the "Don't you remember how you felt when you two were broken up, and you need to be careful speech."
Okay, friends, yes I remember those times...and while they were by no means fun, I am an adult and I can make decisions for myself, as can he. So if we want to be together, or in our case together at a distance, we're going to do it. If you're really our friends, even if you have suspicions or opinions, please just keep them to yourselves. I know you're trying to look out for me and my best interests or him and his best interests or even us and our best interests, but if this is what is making me/him/us happy, I don't want to be criticized, I want your support. And honestly, it's really none of your business.
Rant over, I was going to say more, but I've got more exciting things to say then negative, so on to the fun!
With all that being said, I'm very excited to see what the next month has in store for us. B just graduated from TBS (The Basic School) in Quantico, VA where he found out he will be an Artillery officer. He's home for a few weeks and then headed out to Fort Sill, OK the first week in March for five months of training and he already found out he will be stationed in San Diego, CA at Camp Pendleton as a part of the 5th battalion, 11th Marines working with HIMARS (see video below). Needless to say, he's pretty freaking excited (although he'll never admit it to anyone except maybe me) to have gotten rockets, and even though it's not Infantry, he says it's the best of a bad situation.
As for me, this week started my first week as a full-time employee. Monday was my first day working with Naked Lime Marketing at Reynolds and Reynolds in Dayton. As my first week is nearing an end, I'm still not 100% sure on what exactly I'll be doing here because my training classes don't start until next week. I finished all of the online tests they needed me to do and read the materials I needed to read and finished this morning, so I really haven't had a lot to do. I'm actually really excited about this job. My official title is a Digital Marketing Specialist and I have my own little cubicle with a two screen computer, white board and locker and I have a lot of space to decorate (so if anybody wants to color and send me pictures, I'd love to hang them up!). For now, I know my job entails working directly with specific dealerships from around the country to make them and their websites/social media sites more appealing and available to the surfers of the Internet through writing press releases, blog postings, and updating their social media sites (everything from Twitter, Facebook, to Pinterest, Linkedin, Google+ and we're working on trying to get on Instagram; sounds about perfect for a tech-savvy, Internet sensation like myself! ;)) I did have to re-familiarize myself with HP software, which was a bummer...I love my Mac! The best part you ask? We get free access to the gym that is on "campus" (it's a huge building here with sports fields behind the building and everything so it's called a campus)! I'm super pumped about this. I've been wanting to work out more lately, but I haven't wanted to join a gym because they're SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE! So this works out perfectly!
Panoramic view of my cube
Name plate on the side of my locker
I guess that's it for now; it's lunch time! I'll try to stay more up to date...I know it's been awhile. Stay tuned! Btw, I want to come up with a better internet name for the BF so if anyone has any suggestions...let me know in the comments section below! :)
PS, sorry for the rant at the top; I've just been happy and mean people try to bring me down
This past weekend, Mom and I decided we wanted to have an "open house" Christmas party. I sort of took the idea and ran with it. We had a blast trying to come up with a poem for the Facebook invite which ended up going like this:
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Tis' the season to be jolly, The house is decorated with lots of Christmas holly. The stockings are hung,
And carols are being sung.
The tree is in place, And we'd love to see your face Please stop on by, Because we'd like say "hi!"
No matter the weather Be sure to wear your best ugly sweater! There will be a prize So please participate, both girls and guys!
We'll have a White Elephant if you'd like to partake, But please RSVP so we know what to make! The gifts should stay cheap, $10 or less, Make sure to wrap it nice so no one can guess.
We'll have a signature drink, but it might not be what you think. And if you wish, You're welcome to bring a dish.
If you have any questions, please post them below, But we'd really love it if you would show!
Mom invited her friends and I invited mine, however, it ended up just being my friends that showed up. We played Apples to Apples for over an hour while waiting for everyone to get here and then the fun really started. Mom bought me a board game called "Shooters and Ladders," that she let me have early just for the party. For this game imagine the children's game "Chutes and Ladders" and then add shot glasses and a bottle of alcohol. After this, we had the White Elephant gift exchange which involved everything from hand and feet warmers to dish towels to a live gold fish!
The unopened presents
Caroline got Silly String
Matt opened the gold fish, but....
it wasn't too long before Brittany stole it!
The group, missing Isaac and Mason
Isaac won the ugliest sweater and got a farting Santa and a bag of coal!
A few days before the party, we took Cassidy to see Santa. She wasn't too thrilled about him and slid off his lap as she started crying, so we had to take her over to the tree to take a few pictures since she looked SOOO cute!!
I met Courtney and Jared a few months ago when a friend asked me if I would be interested in joining his team for Amway. They're a super awesome couple with some pretty cool dogs! They asked me if I'd do some pictures for them so they could send out some Christmas cards, and with all of our crazy schedules, we just got these done this weekend. They even had this awesome old railroad bridge right by their house so it was great! Hopefully you like the images as much as I do!
How hard can it be to get over something/someone that you never see and haven't had in a long time? It can't be that hard, right? Wrong. Big time.
I had a decision that should have been mine to make taken right out from under me and I didn't realize until tonight that it really is still bugging me. More then I like to let on. I figured out very fast that if I smiled and told people I was ok, they would believe it and eventually I would too, but after almost a month, I got a blast from the past and it made me realize that I haven't dealt with anything.
It's definitely been easier since nothing really changed in my day to day life, but I didn't deal with any of my emotions. I cried for a week and boxed everything up and said that's it, no more feeling sorry for yourself, but I didn't really deal with anything. I don't really know how. It's really hard to deal with something that is "out of sight, out of mind" so to speak. I've done the typical stay busy and keep my mind off of it, however, not dealing with these feelings isn't exactly making them go away either.
My friends have been the best over the past month and I've been working almost 40 hours each week, but the loneliest time is at night. This is when I realize I'm not as ok as I pretend to be. Or maybe it's in the car when those certain damn songs come on and all I want to do is call him, but the hardest is when I see his name pop up on my phone.
We've only talked a few times, but each time it brings back those feelings. He tells me that he knows I'll be ok and this is what's best for me. Which brings me back to my earlier point...isn't it my decision what's best for me? Who is he to make that choice for me? I was willing to drop most things for him and he says that that was the problem. (Now, when I say I'm willing to drop things, I really mean what I'm comfortable with and what I'm used to. I've always lived at home and never moved, and I'm willing to leave my comfort zone for him.) He says he will "never be able to fully commit to me the way [I] need [him] to and that's not fair." The way he sees it, the Marines are his entire life now and he's not allowed to do anything else that might make him happy. And that's frustrating as hell.
I guess I really don't know how to handle my feelings because he left it so open ended. He wants me to find someone better because he doesn't think he can commit, but who knows because one day he might be able to. Ok, that's not fair. How is one supposed to move on when every time you talk to them, it's nothing but sadness?
That's it for now. I'm really annoyed with my brain. Good night all.
I ended a four year relationship, moved out of my mother's house, started renting a house, got a new roommate and her dog, continued my job at NLM, but was recognized as a photographer and was offered many new opportunities with that, started shooting weddings by myself (through Nick, just as a head photographer), and found myself an amazing man (featured on the right ;))! 
