Another lonely night :(

So tonight, as I'm at the bar with my friend and her new boy, it really hit me how much I really miss Ben. It's been 37 days since I last saw him and I've still got 42 days until I get to see him again. So I guess you could say we're halfway there, but it feels like it's been forever since I've seen him :( I guess I got a little spoiled by seeing him about once a month during the school year, but this is killing me :( Seeing my friend all cute and kissy with her new boy at the bar, I really just wished Ben was there. We never really just get to go out and hang out with friends, it's always just "us" time when we're together, or family time and I kind of realized, he really hasn't met some of my close friends, and I've met some of his Academy friends, but I've only ever heard him talk about his high school friends a few times when he says he wishes he got to see them while he's home. It's really hard to balance us time with family time with friend time and I value every second I get to spend with him, but sometimes, I feel like I'm being selfish by wanting him to just spend time with me. I'm only missing him, while he's missing everyone. And he'll tell me up and down that he doesn't mind and wants to spend the time with me, but I wish there was an easier way to get to see everyone.

I really don't even know where this is all coming from, but it just kind of happened. I miss him more than I know how to handle. I like to think of myself as a strong woman, but when it comes to him, I melt. I know I need to be strong because like I said, I'm only missing him while he's missing everyone, but it's hard. :/ The worst feeling is when I get off work after a long shift and I have no text or anything. I feel like I've been forgotten by the world when I can't talk to him.

You would think after so long, I would be used to it. Used to being away from him. Used to not getting to talk to him. Used to missing him. Wrong. I try to keep myself occupied with friends and work and family, but sometimes, it's just unbearable. I think the worst is when I see my friends with their significant others. I wish Ben and I could do that. I wish we could be normal for once. I wish I could show him off to my friends. But, while this is hard, I'm thankful. Not thankful that I have to experience all of this, but thankful that I get to. Not everyone gets to fall in love and not everyone has a strong relationship that is rooted in passion and trust like I do and not everyone has the communication like we do. I sometimes find myself reminding myself that I am lucky to have someone to miss and someone who I know is missing me too.

Our relationship isn't easy, and I knew it wasn't going to be when we decided to start dating, but it's hard. I miss my best friend. But I know, that once we get through this, we will see each other again. I will be able to hug him again, kiss him again, be wrapped in his arms again. He really has taught me what love is and I know we can go through anything and come out on top.

After writing all this down, I feel a little better. It kind of makes me realize how great our relationship is. It makes us stronger as individuals and stronger as a couple. It makes us realize what we have and that we really want to be with the other. I figure this is just another test that we'll have to go through together and when we come out on top on August 17, we'll look back and laugh and say "that was easy, bring on the next test," but until then, I will continue to miss him and want him.

I can confidently say that when I feel like this, especially after not getting to talk for more than a week (wow, has it really only been that long?!) that I know we'll make it. I love you Ben and I miss you! Hurry up and get back to civilization already!